Mastitis on my 21st birthday & Toilet breakdowns

I became a mother when I was 20 (I remember laying in bed with a 3 week old baby and mastitis on my 21st birthday😵).

I was finishing off my first year of uni and had big dreams of all kinds of epic ✨🌏world changing work I was going to do and lots of possible life plans - none of which included having children anytime soon...

But when I discovered I was pregnant, I just knew I was going to have my baby🤱

After a few weeks of intense emotional turmoil I realised I needed to get into alignment with the choice I was making.

I chose to 💖 embrace 💖 my child and the sacred work of motherhood as fully and wholly as I could.

I was already someone who (semi obsessively) studied a lot so I turned that obsession away from uni and towards the art of raising whole and healthy children 🌱

(which, I discovered when in the trenches is an 💥INTENSE journey and not one you can just learn about in books and then seamlessly apply!)

I had my hands full parenting and studying... Yet I didn’t seem able to study just for the sake of my own personal development- I kept automatically turning my learning into professional development and I’d share it with others 🤲

I studied course after course, but each one had an element of learning how to be a practitioner, facilitator, coach or healer and I found myself focusing so much on the continuous juggle🤹 between parenting and career.

I was so driven to do both as well as I could... especially when I became a single mother of two while they were still young.

I was driven to be everything I could possibly be-
👩‍👧‍👦fully present for my kids 🧚‍♀️providing for them 💵 earning enough money 💓 making a real difference and 💪 feeling successful in my work.

That drive (and all the expectations I had of myself) became a really heavy weight to carry ⛓️⚓

(especially on top of all the everyday stuff that needed to happen in order for our lives to function🤯).

I was telling myself that if I kept pushing forwards 🤜 I’d eventually get to a place where everything felt easier, more abundant and spacious 🙈🙉🙊

that I’d reach some magical level of flow 🍃where all the pressure no longer exists... but that pushing forwards didn’t have the desired outcome! 😜

I always knew I’d pushed too hard when I had what I came to call my toilet breakdowns 🚽💩 😩

I’d be sitting alone on the toilet, taking just enough of a pause for everything to catch up with me and I’d fall apart 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
I’d unravel and break down into a heap of messy, crying ‘I can’t cope-ness’.

I remember feeling so exhausted, alone, spent, ground down and hollowed out 😧💀😵😨😫

It took me a while to work out how to navigate these toilet breakdowns so they came around to visit me every so often and I kept on pushing forwards the same way I had been for years

(it’s amazing how stuck and blind 🙈 and yet also resilient we can be!).

The last toilet breakdown I remember having began a similar way- me feeling utterly helpless and sorry for myself... but I was so freaking done ✋ with this pattern that I chose to make healing it my biggest priority- everything else could wait🙅‍♀️

I began with the simple act of being present with what I was feeling and allowing it to move 💦 🌿 (never underestimate the power of that).

I then realised how so disconnected I had become from myself. I touched a grief I’d been carrying at losing ME 💔...

Losing a truly soulful, slow and lingering relationship with ME 🙏 ... Not just with my role as a mother and not just with my work engaging with others in the world.

There was a ME underneath all of that 🦋 Underneath all the busyness, pushing and being there for others... and I had thoroughly neglected her!

Despite all my extensive learning in personal development, healing and healthy relating, I'm embarrassed to admit that I was barely using the work for ME.

I made my relationship with me such a low priority that I convinced myself I didn’t have time or a real enough need- and that had to change 🧘‍♀️✊

💜 So began my journey back home to myself 💜

and while there was already a lot of beauty in my relationships with my children and in the sacred work I was doing 🌹

when I came to them connected with myself and grounded in my personal power 💥 then my relationships and my work received a fuel that had not ever been there before. I brought them alive on a whole other level...

And I had no more toilet breakdowns! 🙏💗🙏

Reconnecting with yourself is not the only solution when you’re feeling stretched, overwhelmed and burnt out...

but it is a HUGE part and it is the first step (because YOU are the common denominator that makes all things in your life happen-so you matter rather a lot!).

I now make my own healing 🧘‍♀️ and reconnecting 🛀 my priority- because that opens up space for everything else!

It brings me the spaciousness I need to truly connect with my children and to do my work with power and soul! 💞🦄

DO YOU WANT THAT SPACIOUSNESS?
TIRED OF YEARNING AND DREAMING?
OVER THE BREAKDOWNS AND EXHAUSTION?!

💗 Then I have an offer just for you 💗

Lisa and I have a few exclusive SPACIOUS WOMAN calls open.
BOOK in for FREE consult here
👉 http://mothersawakening.com/booking

You’ll get a personal plan to connect back with your true self, step into your healing and claim your needs and desires. Our work is fun but also deep and transformational.
If you’re in for the journey of a lifetime, let’s chat 🙂

We look forward to ‘meeting’ you.
Apply here 👉 http://mothersawakening.com/booking

You’ve got this, wise woman!

LOVE Kaya
xx